now, who could stop that!!?!

Love

This is one word which has changed its meaning for me so many times! When I was a kid, it was about a boy and a girl together and we irked at it. I still recall my kindergarten days; Arjun, I and some other boys used to call girls as achoot derogatorily meaning untouchables. It sounds funny today, but we guys used to be darn serious about it. Into early teenage, love was a one-sided something that a dud guy felt for a gorgeous girl, and yeah we had abolished the achoot system by then. Into the mid-teens, it was more of a 'show it to the world' issue - to have proposed to a girl and convey your so-called-feelings, and that is what was love meant then. Further down the time-line, at the beginning of college, love meant to hold up your ego and pride, to have a girl by your side, to show that you are sad when she's gone and stuffs... and show that you are 'the ultimate' lover-boy. And then..... you realize that you have got it all wrong. But, I guess that's the tough way to realization that anyone would have to take to understand what this love thing truly is. Finally, I did learn what love really is...

Well, that's just as much of philosophy as I would let you take! :)

I have messed up my life many times. But down into my second year in engineering graduation times I had done some serious, potentially irreparable, damage to myself. Well, it was an odd feeling then when you feel that you have lost the battle and you stand in middle of no-man's land with just battle litter all around you. I saw myself scarred, standing there as a loser, with nothing to look forward to. But there were these bunch of crazy people who came around, picked me up and showed me that there is a brighter side to life. Some of these crazy people are my best pals today. And one of them, is just about everything to me today!

Anjali.. that's her name.

Well during the first few days at college, she was never in my hit-list! ;) She was a classmate, just one more girl in my class. She gradually graduated to a person I could talk to. She was very different from most of my other girl pals I had had at Delhi. I could see that she was a more culturally immersed, non-cool, hanging out with girls-only kinds. I was a flirt one-of-a-kind, and she was this more civilized person with a look that conveyed that she has more responsibilities than most of us. She was beautiful, she still is, but there was this innocence in her looks that did not qualify her for the 'hit-list' kinds.

When I ran into troubled weather with a long-due break-up, there were a very few people I could rely on and turn to. Sibi and Vijith were two real close confidants whom I treasure even today. Preethi, Silpa and Archana were others. They were always there for me, but there was this desperation to be accepted as a friend among others. I started talking to people randomly, trying to get more friends. People all around knew about me and what all had happened, but I guess the girls were apprehensive that I'm probably trying to hit on them. However, when I turned to this lady in churidar, it was all different.

Anjali was a great listener, she carefully listened to what I had to say. And without blaming anyone, she became a motivating force for me. She would talk to me about so many things, and we became good pals. Even without me knowing about things, she took me off the hook and I was enjoying my life as if nothing had happened at all. Umm, I still wonder why she did what she did to me. I know there was no love-thing between us at that point in time, not even a spark - probably because we had labeled each other as not-my-type. I didn't really bother then, all that I felt was this nice feeling of having a good friend around.

Well, good things don't last forever. Especially when the grace has been shown to a dud-head like me! Down about the end of third year, some rumors about some girls floated in and there was a huge ideological crisis. Anjali was being blamed and the circumstances were against her. She told me her side of the story, but perhaps I was not convinced. For some reason, I forgot all the good she had done to me. I forgot that she stood with me when I needed someone to revive my life altogether. I forgot and I too pointed my finger at her. I regret it, it was sad. Something inside me still curses myself for not having believed her. Knowing that she had been a pure heart to me, I still didn't believe her.

The best part about my life is that the bad parts don't last even as little as the good parts do. While the weather cleared, and I came to know of the realities of what had happened, I realized that I needed to go back to her. And apologetically, I did. She is going to slap me hard, or she would just tell me to stay away from her. My mind was playing games, but she accepted me with open arms. She did convey her sadness for me not having enough faith in me, but she still let me be part of her life. It was nice. It is a great feeling, when you go confess for a wrong doing and you are forgiven, one-of-a-kind.

Anjali and I started to spend more time with each other. We did singing together, we worked for our Ramanujam House together. I appreciated her dancing skills. She loved to listen about my delhi stories. She was a more socially aware and conscious person, and I was more of a carefree happy-go-lucky kind. We were different people, with different takes on life. The only common line between us was we were family affinity; we lived for our family and loved them like mad! We spent hours talking, and it was fun. Still no spark though.

And then one night, I dreamt of her. It was a beautiful dream, and it looked so perfect. I saw her as my girl. It disturbed me a lot when I woke up. I have never seen her that way, she's just a friend and we are so bloody different. It was odd and it wouldn't just sink in. For some reason, with some hours into the day-break, I was moving from 'oh my god, what crap of a dream was that!!' to 'wow, it sounds just perfect!!'. It was funny, but then I decided to tell her what I saw. I was a bit hesitant. She would feel real bad and that would end even my friendship with her. I didn't intend to propose to her, but it implicitly meant the same.

That night, I stood up there at the terrace of our newly built hostel block and gave her a ring. I talked general stuffs and smoothly moved into the matter. Surprisingly, she listened to me with more patience than what I had thought. Will she burst out a cry, would she shout at me?! I continued telling her stuffs and while I was talking to her, it just struck me hard, she is the one I want to live with! Everything just looked so tailor made for me.

While I was telling her things, I recalled the so many mini-events that occurred between me and her. She could make me smile and forget my worries. She could smell it if there was something wrong with me. She worried for my well-being. She genuinely loved my parents and my little sister. She genuinely wanted me happy. She was a pure heart. She forgave me for all the wrongs I did and she accepted me back. I loved being with her and it feels so genuinely nice to be with her. She genuinely loved me and I just kept falling in love with her without even knowing it. And as I continued talking, I was talking with a renewed vigour. She's my girl.

For obvious reasons, Anjali took it as a proposal. She talked me through a lot of things, about herself, the past, her family and a lot of information that a person should have known before proposing to live his life with her. She loves me. It felt so nice that she just let me know absolutely everything about her. And then, she was like.. now you know it all. There was this calm in the air. I just told that it was good that she told me everything, and that it would be good to be together. Nothing more was said, and with words unspoken and unheard, we knew that we are the ones for each other. I still feel the subtle cool breeze that I felt over my face and the freshness in the air that I breath in that night. That night was different, one-of-a-kind.

We have been together since, and it is now more than 7 years of knowing each other, and more than 3 years in the relationship. We have seen quite a lot of things together, and fought little battles by each others side. It has been a long eventful journey filled with love, and it is just going to get better.

Some people thought that I would never fall in love, others thought I have different taste in my mind. But I guess with Anjali around me, I just had to fall in love with her.. now, who could stop that!!?!

Love

It is that little something that makes me smile when I hear her name. It is that little something that makes me get goosebumps when I get her fragrance. It is that little something that makes me understand her things without being said. It is that little something that tells me that my life is so beautiful with her. It is that little something that makes me sit and admire her all day. It is that little something which gives me the most beautiful dreams at night. It is that little something that gives me energy to go get all the happiness for her. It is that little something that came as a cool breeze that I felt over my face the other night when I opened my heart to her. It is not what people preach. It is the special someone I call Anjali today.